Sunday, 15 July 2018

Book #52

The Crow Road by Iain Banks


Prentice McHoan has returned to the bosom of his complex but enduring Scottish family. Full of questions about the McHoan past, present and future, he is also deeply preoccupied: mainly with death, sex, drink, God and illegal substances.

On the first page of The Crow Road, Banks delivers one of the best opening lines I’ve ever experienced: 'It was the day my grandmother exploded. I sat in the crematorium, listening to my Uncle Hamish quietly snoring in harmony to Bach's Mass in B Minor, and I reflected that it always seemed to be death that drew me back to Gallanach.'

And Banks just doesn’t seem to stop with his somber yet somehow hilarious prose, drawing us deeply into the McHoan family, and allowing us to explore their histories, their personalities, and their reprehensible yet utterly relatable behaviours.

This is story of family, love, and loss; Banks gives us Prentice - a narrator akin to an educated loose cannon - and tells Lochgair’s stories with time and space-slipping ease, weaving a rounded yet disorienting picture of family secrets and unrest. There’s nothing linear about the plot, and this is where the magic lies, allowing Banks to hint, tease, and foreshadow his way through the McHoan family values. He swaps from Prentice’s first-person narrative, to that of an all-seeing third-person, and back again; a foreshadowing device in itself, I was living.

Although filled with philosophical ponderings, and commentary on life and death, Banks also inserts little vignettes of memory, which are often hilarious in their delivery. That life can be filled with sorrow, yet with little moments of complete joy, is perfectly true, and Banks highlights this perfectly.

Banks’s characters are so well depicted that they feel like living, breathing people. He nails the family relationships, love hand in hand with bitter jealousy and frustration, and gives us these people as ours to love.

The depictions of Gallanach and other areas of beautiful Scotland were written lyrically and beautifully. The juxtaposition of these settings against those in Glasgow were of a considerable contrast, and, as someone who sticks mainly to confines of Strathclyde, made me ashamed not to have seen far more of my beautiful country than I have.

And the man is away the crow road himself. One of my favourite Scottish authors, all we can do is feel blessed he has left behind such a wealth of stories and talent for us to remember to him with.

“These were the days of fond promise, when the world was very small and there was still magic in it. He told them stories of the Secret Mountain and the Sound that could be Seen, of the Forest drowned by Sand and the trees that were time-stilled waters.
Then, every day was a week, each month a year. A season was a decade, and every year a life.”

Tuesday, 10 July 2018

Book #51

Cuttin’ Heads by D.A. Watson


Aldo Evans is a desperate man. Fired from his job and deeply in debt, he struggles to balance a broken family life with his passion for music. 

Luce Figura is a troubled woman. A rhythmic perfectionist, she is haunted by childhood trauma and scorned by her religiously devout mother. 
Ross McArthur is a wiseass. Orphaned as an infant and raised by the state, his interests include game shows, home-grown weed, occasional violence and the bass guitar. 
They are Public Alibi. A rock n’ roll band going nowhere fast. 
When the sharp-suited, smooth talking producer Gappa Bale offers them a once in a lifetime chance to make their dreams come true, they are caught up in a maelstrom of fame, obsession, music and murder. 
Soon, Aldo, Luce and Ross must ask themselves: is it really better to burn out than to fade away?

Fuck sake.

Watson asked me to review this some time ago. I was having pre-drinks on the train when I got the email, quickly read the synopsis and decided it was my thing. Having finally gotten around to trying it, I had completely forgotten what the book was about, other than it was Glaswegian. Blame the lapse in time, or blame the gin, I don’t care

It all started innocently enough, with the familiar relatability of three Scottish twenty-somethings working in call centres, as hospital porters, and music tutors, just trying to make ends meet whilst jamming in a band in their spare time. I loved seeing bars, clubs, and venues I know well described as the trio did the rounds to expose their band. A nice, calm novel on trying to make it big. I was pleased.

NO. It quickly became apparent that something wasn’t quite right, and I was quickly overcome by the terror of being clasped in the claws of a horror novel. I need big warnings for this; I’m a shitebag and will see things lunging out of the dark at me if I’m reading any type of horror novel.

Once I’d rationalised that I’d need to read this with the big light on instead of my wee reading lamp, I was able to properly immerse myself in this utter mindbend of a tale. It’ll be difficult to put my thoughts down without taking away the moments of crippling shock and incredulity I felt throughout the pages.

Unless you (unlike my idiot self) carefully read the synopsis before opening the first page, it’s impossible to detect any type of horror in the beginnings of the story. This is an utter masterstroke by Watson – pulling us into these normal as fuck lives of normal as fuck people, kidding you on that you’re reading a normal as fuck book, then revealing one of the most chilling, unthinkable, and unique types of horror you will ever have the fortune to read. Watson’s terror lies in the pure feeling of normalcy permeating the starting pages, and the fact the characters’ descent into an impossible situation began on innocent and acceptable terms.

Watson’s trio themselves are carved out of grit. Each has a troublesome past, demons (HAHAHAHAHA!) and memories they’d like to fade entirely from their consciousness. We’re bound to each of them by their pasts, their personalities, and their families. They’re perfectly flawed protagonists who command respect and understanding.

The skill of writing during the horror sections was unreal. My skin was crawling, I couldn’t look away, I had to peer into the toilet to check for demons any time I went into the bathroom. An absolutely unparalleled use of tension, coupled with that horrible feeling that something is out there.

Finally, there’s a huge sense here of the author’s love of music. As a musical dunce, even I felt swept away by the power of Watson’s characters playing their instruments, and the strategic use of an E minor.

For music fans, this is an absolutely essential novel to add to your collection. For horror fans, it’s a definite. For shitebags, I’d suggest giving it a miss as I’m still checking the toilet.

Saturday, 7 July 2018

Book #50

I Hate and I Love by Catullus


Dazzling modern lyrical poems from Catullus - by turns smutty, abusive, romantic and deeply moving. 

I still can’t do poetry, although it was difficult not to understand what was going on here.

Catullus has the hots for this woman big time, the whole ‘can’t eat, can’t sleep’ shebang. Each of these poems professes his undying love for her, and the fact he hates how much the love he has for her affects him.

So I got it, but I didn’t enjoy it. It’s very rare for a poem to evoke anything in me. Sitting down to absorb a collection like this, particularly one which is so repetitive in its subject matter, is a complete chore. Having said that, I very much doubt I would love anyone so much as so sit down and write as many poems as Catullus evidently has. Maybe the problem isn’t in poetry, and more in the fact I’m an emotionless sociopath.

I wonder whether I should skip over the poetry compilations in the Little Black Classics range, or whether that would be giving up of the worst kind. Something to ponder.

~*Catullus 4 Lesbia*~ 

Book #50

The Murders in the Rue Morgue by Edgar Allan Poe


In The Murders in the Rue Morgue, all of Paris is in shock following the ghastly murder of two women—but with all witnesses claiming to have heard the suspect speak a different language, the police are stumped. When Dupin finds a suspicious hair at the crime scene, and places an advert in the newspaper asking if anyone has lost an "Ourang-Outang," things take an unexpected turn.

Having already dabbled in the arts of Poe’s more macabre and supernatural works, I was excited to meet Auguste Dupin. I jumped in full of adrenaline, utterly unprepared for the apathy which was waiting for me.

My edition contained The Murders in the Rue Morgue, The Mystery of Marie Roget, and The Purloined Letter. I finished the first, almost managed to finish the second, and completely abandoned the third.

As a detective who inspired the creation of Sherlock Holmes, Dupin is the dullest sleuth I have ever come across. Totally beige, completely clinical, and a man who uses twenty words when one will do, he effortlessly turns interesting and complex crimes into affairs the reader wishes they’d never got themselves into in the first place. I didn’t care about the culprit; I only cared about reaching the final page, which, in the end, I couldn’t even bring myself to do.

The cases are explained and solved mainly using Dupin’s long and bothersome monologues. There are no sudden clues, no red herrings, no character developments, nothing whatsoever which makes a good detective novel engaging. I understand Poe was one of the trailblazers in this genre, but it seems the idea has been picked up and improved since.

I don’t know if I’ve spoiled myself by finishing The Moonstone and moving immediately on to another detective story, but Poe’s mysteries pale in comparison to those of Collins and Doyle.

And, finally - a fucking monkey? Come on, man.

Friday, 6 July 2018

Book #49

The Robber Bridegroom by Brothers Grimm


Drawn from German folklore, dark, fantastical fairy tales of wicked deeds, gruesome punishment, and just rewards.


I’m very confused at Penguin’s decision to name this Grimm compilation after what is, by far, one of the weakest stories within the book. The Robber Bridegroom fell flat for me; although not disengaging, and by no means dull, in comparison with its brothers and sisters within the pages, it couldn’t quite meet the bar.

Having never read any Grimm (despite owning the complete works which I will get around to on some rainy day in the future), I was surprised and delighted at how gruesome the stories are. Obviously modern day adaptations have watered down the majority of the gore and death, but to read fairy tales which include cannibalism, aggressive animals, and (my favourite) dancing in hot iron shoes until you fall down dead, was nothing but delectable to me.

The style is incredibly simplistic, but this lends a real tone of fable to the little tales. They truly feel perfect for reading aloud, without being patronising or glaringly aimed at children. With each of them containing some sort of murder, or act of violence, it’s difficult to imagine these being used to entertain children today; if I had any wee brats, I would surely try.

A gorgeous little introduction to Grimm, this has made me look forward to tackling the giant tome that is the complete works when I feel I have the staying power for it. 

Thursday, 5 July 2018

Book #48

The Moonstone by Wilkie Collins

Hinging on the theft of an enormous diamond originally stolen from an Indian shrine, this riveting novel features the innovative Sergeant Cuff, the hilarious house steward Gabriel Betteridge, a lovesick housemaid, and a mysterious band of Indian jugglers.

Similar to the Moonstone itself, this novel is a wonder to behold. I’d love to attempt a summary of the plot here, but having attempted this already and having failed to capture the beauty of it, I’ll suggest just going ahead and reading the story for yourself.

As a detective novel (arguably the first ever written), this is a long one. It’s structured by a number of accounts from various narrators on the crime itself, the investigation, and, most beautifully, on the relationships, motives, and behaviours of the characters. Despite falling in love with the first narrator, house-steward Gabriel Betteredge, this fluctuating style of narration was utterly perfect in explaining and solving the riddle. There are twists, turns, red herrings, every single staple plot device found in a modern-day detective mystery is here, but somehow a thousand times more glorious.

Unlike most modern takes on sleuthing, Collins provides the minimum of clues throughout the pages to allow us to guess the culprit. When the explanation finally came, it was a complete slap in the face, and deliciously mind-blowing.

I was particularly impressed that despite this novel being published in 1868, Collins dealt sensitively with his character types. Our female protagonist was strong-willed and intelligent – no fainting or smelling salts required. He depicted a rounded view of the lower class, particularly the house servants, with one in particular being shown as a wholly developed person, instead of a mindless candle polisher in a servant’s gown. Finally, there were a few brown-skinned villains involved, and at no point were there any disparaging comments on their race; instead, the other characters treated them kindly as foreigners far from home. This astounded me; many reviews of classic novels now pass things off as “products of their time”, but there was absolutely no reason or need to here. It begs the question whether passing things off really is the right thing to do when authors like Collins can manage to write in this way.

To say any more would be saying too much, but if you ever need a good mystery, or reminded that the classics are best, this is one for you. 

Friday, 29 June 2018

Book #47

The Essex Serpent by Sarah Perry


Set in Victorian London and an Essex village in the 1890's, and enlivened by the debates on scientific and medical discovery which defined the era, The Essex Serpent has at its heart the story of two extraordinary people who fall for each other, but not in the usual way.
They are Cora Seaborne and Will Ransome. Cora is a well-to-do London widow who moves to the Essex parish of Aldwinter, and Will is the local vicar. They meet as their village is engulfed by rumours that the mythical Essex Serpent, once said to roam the marshes claiming human lives, has returned. Cora, a keen amateur naturalist is enthralled, convinced the beast may be a real undiscovered species. But Will sees his parishioners' agitation as a moral panic, a deviation from true faith. Although they can agree on absolutely nothing, as the seasons turn around them in this quiet corner of England, they find themselves inexorably drawn together and torn apart.

The only thing this novel has going for it is its incomprehensibly stunning cover.

Perry promises a gothic tale of Victorian rumour, panic, love, and unlikely alliances. What she delivers is a droll, plotless story, serving no real purpose other than to allow Perry moments of lyrical poignancy in the form of a simile poorly supporting every second sentence.

Our recently widowed protagonist, Cora, is intended to be portrayed as an independent ‘modern’ woman. Casting off the ties that bound her during marriage, she begins dressing in men’s clothes, discards personal grooming, and loudly explains to anyone who will listen how liberating it is to forget to be a woman. I had a lot of problems with this.

Cora, alongside every single other character, was loathsome and incomprehensible. I couldn’t get on board with anyone’s motives or justifications, cared not for their thoughts and feelings, and muttered in disdain on more occasions than I’d like to admit. A band of beige cretins, each of them seemed to be placed into the novel purely to serve a purpose, rather than to be themselves explored.

Although by no means an expert, Victorian fiction is one of my favourites – the era fascinates me; there was something really not quite right about Perry’s Victorian London. The lack of research and care was apparent, and more time should have been spent on specifics; some of the time you could’ve been excused for assuming the section you were reading was set in 2010. The letters, the dialogue, even the descriptions of food and clothing, were well off the mark, and horrified me.

My other serious issue was the need for there to be any type of love triangle here. It was pointless and unresolved; Perry seems here to be commenting on how love can take over us at any moment, but why not the love of friendship? Why do all main characters have to end up shagging each other at some point? I also could have done without the image of the Good Revered wanking into a field, but the damage has been done.

There are so many things about this I dislike. The serpent itself caused so much panic within the area, however none of this was probed or discussed in detail by Perry. There was even a moment of hysteria in the classroom which excited me at the time, but which fell flat as we became embroiled again in the futile overarching theme of romance.

I won’t go on (although I could go on for quite some time on this one). All I can say to conclude is that I’m utterly shocked at the praise that has been loaded on this novel, and truly feel Perry has done a disservice to a wonderful premise. 

Monday, 25 June 2018

Book #46

The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

The Brothers Karamazov is a passionate philosophical novel set in 19th century Russia, that enters deeply into the ethical debates of God, free will, and morality. It is a spiritual drama of moral struggles concerning faith, doubt, and reason, set against a modernizing Russia.

I always approach works of classic Russian literature with trepidation; I have no idea why. Before Crime and Punishment, before The Master and Margarita, even before Lolita, I have felt cowed by their notoriety, nervous of their words, and completely overwhelmed by their perceived themes. Every time, and I mean every time I finish one of these, I am left with an unbridled feeling of awe, and I wonder at why I was so intimidated by them in the first place.

The Brothers Karamazov has now opened my eyes to the fact that Russian literature is everything. I’m not even sure where to begin describing how much I loved this.

Dostoevsky gives us a complex family, with complex feelings for one another, alongside a love triangle, a monastery, a murder - and lets us ponder and reflect on the philosophy involved in each of these things. I don’t consider myself ponderous, or any type of philosopher, but having read this I believe Dostoevsky can make any one of us a great thinker.

The human condition is explored in each of the brothers, all of them differing in their behaviours and thinking, and Dostoevsky asks us which one of them is thriving. They all have their flaws, their beliefs, they all have their grey areas, but how I loved all of them.

Yet each of them are the way they are thanks to their brutish and insensitive father, Fyodor Pavlovich. We’re shown how family can work in different ways to shape and mould us, and yet the same upbringing does not mould each of us similarly - it’s our thoughts and beliefs that ultimately do.

I won’t force my amateur philosophy on you all too much, but the themes here are golden; it was glorious to watch how character behaviour affected others, and set chains of motion off all over the place. Comparing and contrasting the characters, seeing their beliefs come to life before them and force them to rethink their maxims - all of it was simply gorgeous.

My favourite device here was the narrator; an anonymous resident of the town, he gives us the details as though from a town gossip, although there wasn’t a point where he felt unreliable. There were moments when his words moved me so much I wanted him to name himself, and wanted to meet his family. Alongside the narrator, Dostoevsky’s sarcastic portrayal of a Russian courtroom was also something to behold; it truly is a work of art.

And the finale just warmed my heart. The name Karamazov would never be looked upon in the same way it was when Fyodor Pavlovich was the patriarch. All brothers were redeemed. Utterly, utterly beautiful. 

Wednesday, 13 June 2018

Book #45

Image result for it was snowing butterflies book cover
It was snowing butterflies by Charles Darwin

A selection of Darwin's extraordinary adventures during the voyage of the Beagle. 

This is a nice little insight into Darwin’s journals and his explorations of nature both off and on-board the Beagle, although it struggled to capture my attention.

There are many detailed accounts of his encounters with animals, insects, landscapes, and even the natives, on whom his remarks are spectacularly outdated and frankly racist. The beauty of all of this, though (apart from the old racist part), is seeing the world through the eyes of someone who doesn’t have the benefits we do now – namely Google – and the titular line “it was snowing butterflies” could only have come from someone with this fresh view of the world.

It was written in a simplistic style, which worked well for the accounts, however the lengthy notes on the behaviours of both animals and plants was dull to me. Perhaps you, an intellectual, will fare better.

Tuesday, 12 June 2018

Book #44

The Black Dahlia by James Ellroy


On January 15, 1947, the torture-ravished body of a beautiful young woman is found in a vacant lot. The victim makes headlines as the Black Dahlia-and so begins the greatest manhunt in California history. Caught up in the investigation are Bucky Bleichert and Lee Blanchard: Warrants Squad cops, friends, and rivals in love with the same woman. But both are obsessed with the Dahlia-driven by dark needs to know everything about her past, to capture her killer, to possess the woman even in death. Their quest will take them on a hellish journey through the underbelly of postwar Hollywood, to the core of the dead girl's twisted life, past the extremes of their own psyches-into a region of total madness.

I have no idea what I’ve just read, only that I didn’t enjoy it much. I bought this book during a thirst for crime – true or otherwise – some years ago. The Black Dahlia is a notable, legendary unsolved crime from history, and I wanted to learn more about the woman herself, and her unjustified end.

Instead, I met two Los Angeles police officers, both ex-boxers, who become paired together to solve this mess. In the first stages of the novel, they are pitted against each other in the ring, and the pages and pages of in-depth fight commentary are absolutely something to avoid.

The narrative focuses on Bleichert, the smaller, lighter-weight boxer/cop, and his perspective. We are treated to his insipid thought processes and reasoning. He was stubborn, impervious to criticism, misogynistic, and utterly selfish. I hated him. Bleichert seems to fumble his way through the investigation, often making aggressive or self-destructive decisions, yet finds all of the answers falling into his lap. Each catastrophic mistake seemed to lead him to the next clue or suspect, yet there was no feeling of reality or relatability, and no real development or reflection from him. It was the standard Hollywood chips falling into place, and I’m a cop so I don’t need to change for anyone, type of shit.

The worst part of this novel is all the unnecessary crap thrown in. Nothing really happens until about 100 pages have turned, then we’re stuck in a stalemate for another 100 pages before something worthwhile happens again. Ellroy throws in all sorts of pointless drivel, I assume to connect us with the characters. He failed in this.

Ellroy’s language is peppered with post-war Los Angeles colloquialisms and police jargon which get old real quick. The dialogue helped to paint every single character as a trite caricature, and I soon felt the novel akin to a bumbling police drama I might watch at 2pm on a Sunday. Incredibly disengaging.

And there’s hardly any Dahlia. Yes, we hear the gruesome details and are involved in finding the killer. We even hear first-hand from her family and known associates. But the Dahlia murder was never solved; Ellroy takes it upon himself here to fictionalise a killer, rendering himself untrustworthy and leaving me in serious doubt as to whether the Elizabeth Short within his pages was the same as the real girl who is still awaiting her justice.

This story is more about two cops becoming obsessed with a murder inquiry and letting it destroy their lives. Read if you like pointless details, cringey American police jargon, and dickhead boxers. Do not read if you’re on a crime burst and are looking for some insight into The Black Dahlia case. A complete waste of time. 

Thursday, 7 June 2018

Book #43

A Pair of Silk Stockings by Kate Chopin


From Louisiana’s remote bayous to its gilded cities, five startling stories of awakening by one of fin-de-siécle America’s most famous writers.

Another reminder, after a few colossal misses, how important the Little Black Classics range is in introducing me to authors I’d never heard of.

This is a collection of short stories from Chopin, with A Pair of Silk Stocking reserved for the finale. I enjoyed each in equal measure, excepting the penultimate tale, Nég Créol, which didn’t rouse me in quite the same ways.

Chopin is a delight, though. Her stories are daring in fulfilling characters’ karma, and of describing the ways of life in nineteenth century Louisiana. A Pair of Silk Stockings is a tale of luxury, with Mrs Sommers finding fifteen dollars and, despite planning how to clothe her children with it, taking the money and spending the whole lot on herself, having a wonderful day which is completely out of the ordinary for her. It speaks of what women sacrifice for their families and how powerful it can be to have a treat, the power to choose for yourself, and time to spend only in your own head.

Désirée’s Baby, Miss McEnders, and The Story of an Hour all told of situations where characters believed they had the upper hand, only to become punished by fate. This was particularly delicious in Désirée’s Baby, which was my favourite of the five.

I would have liked Penguin to have used a different quotation for this one. Although I may have bias, as the chosen quote is from Nég Créol, I didn’t feel it quite covered the feel of the stories, and I’m sure there are many other quotes in the collection which could have served much better.

This is an important addition to Little Black Classics for me, as it’s already prompted me to go out and buy more Chopin. New discoveries were my goal all along, and I’m absolutely delighted with this one. 

Wednesday, 6 June 2018

Book #42

Notes on a Scandal by Zoe Heller


From the first day that the beguiling Sheba Hart joins the staff of St George's history teacher Barbara Covett is convinced she has found a kindred spirit. Barbara's loyalty to her new friend is passionate and unstinting and when Sheba is discovered having an illicit affair with one of her pupils, Barbara quickly elects herself as Sheba's chief defender. But all is not as it first seems in this dark story and, as Sheba will soon discover, a friend can be just as treacherous as any lover.

I was completely unprepared for how absolutely wonderful this novel was going to be. It’s chilling, unsettling, and utterly, utterly captivating.

Any stories in the news of teachers having sexual relationships with their pupils are generally categorised in the same ways by both the press and the public. The pupil is perpetually an innocent, naïve victim, lured into inappropriate liaisons by the teacher. The latter is often described as a sex-crazed predator, a pervert conniving to groom and exploit the wholesome young person. Heller turns this idea on its head entirely, and comments on our perceptions of such crimes.

Although we’d love for issues like these to be as clear-cut as possible; to be able to scream obscenities at the accused, look after the abused, Heller explores the idea here that things simply aren’t as elementary as this, particularly when it comes to sex. The ways in which she achieves this are so clever, so outside of the norm, and just so bloody readable; I was engrossed from the beginning. It was difficult to ascertain which of them really was the predator.

Her narrative is what grabbed me here. Written by Barbara, a colleague and friend of our so-called predator, it gives us all of the facts from an entirely unreliable vantage. Barbara is much older and experienced in the ways of teaching than Sheba (the she-wolf), and ends up being her confidante in both the affair, and other aspects of Sheba’s chaotic life. She lays out the events as delivered to her from Sheba’s tongue, also affording us the opportunity of hearing her own thoughts on the matter.

Barbara, however, is a frightening narrator. Originally coming across as a wise and trusted being, your typical older spinster lady with a cat, it quickly becomes apparent Barbara has issues of her own. These trickle into her narrative almost seductively, and so carefully, that the slow realisation that you should be questioning her authenticity comes like a sudden death.

The beauty of this novel is that it screams ‘forbidden love and romance’ before you open the first page, but it’s barely about love, sex, or romance; it’s about people, loneliness, perceptions, manipulation and assumption. I could have read it for the rest of my life.     

Monday, 4 June 2018

Book #41

The Voyage of Sir Francis Drake Around the Whole Globe by Richard Hakluyt

Scholar, spy, diplomat and supreme propagandist for Elizabethan sea power, Richard Hakluyt's accounts of famed explorers mythologised a nation growing rapidly aware of the size and strangeness of the world - and determined to dominate it. 

Simply, purely awful.

Hakluyt writes of voyages around the world in a factual, disconnected tone. Many of these visits to foreign lands spell trouble for the locals, who find themselves robbed and killed, mainly as a display of superiority than anything else. Neighbouring sailors meet the same fate. Hakluyt’s tone here never falters; dispassionate, dead, laying out the facts of the terrors as though they’re the same as tying a knot in a rope. No wonder the English were so hated back then, running around taking lives for a laugh and a couple of bags of leather.

There are no thoughts or feelings here, it reads similarly to the diary of my ten year old self – “Went to the shop. Got a lollipop. Came home and we watched Frasier.” It’s so bloody dry. My imagination was the only thing keeping me together – to think how huge and unknown the world was back then, to have none of the knowledge we have now of other cultures, lands, people. It must have been exciting, frightening, wonderful. None of that was given to us here.

I realise the words are a product of their time, but in some instances, words just aren’t worth the bother. 

Sunday, 3 June 2018

Book #40

Leathered by Chris McQueer


Frank a 6ft 4 prison guard at Bar-L. A hardman and technophobe, firmly set in his ways, until Joe, a ‘Twitter Famous’ inmate, convinces Frank to send a tweet that changes the world. 

‘Kim Jong-Un? I could kick f*ck out of him.’

McQueer has done it again. It’s a real wonder what goes on in that boy’s heed, but we should be grateful for his capacity to put his mental thoughts down on paper for us to pore over.

This time, we meet Frank, a Bar-L prison guard and an absolute unit, who (after removing a phone from an inmates arse and being taught how to use Twitter), casually posts his first tweet: Kim Jong-Un? I could kick fuck out of him.” The rest of the story can only be politely described as fucking chaos.

We’re thrown into discussions on which Scottish celebrities would be able to hold their own in a fight, delivered to North Korea to see the fallout of Frank’s tweet, and ultimately given a ticket to the Hydro to see the biggest political bareknuckle scrap which has ever been imagined; the highlight of which is the supporting acts.

Fast-paced and completely hilarious, as is McQueer’s style, it’s another gorgeous wee gem set right on your doorstep. And on the Scottish celebrity capacity for violence, I think I could take Sheena Easton. 

Friday, 1 June 2018

Book #39

To-morrow by Joseph Conrad


Set in a desolate English port, Conrad’s spare, savage turn-of-the-century story of lives haunted by the sea. One of Conrad’s most powerful, gripping stories.

This was such an unexpectedly gorgeous short story from the Heart of Darkness author.

Focusing on an old sailor desperate to find his missing son, we see his preparations and plans for his ultimate return, with the old sailor always claiming this will happen “to-morrow”. This is a seemingly delusional hope, as his neighbours and the other villagers see him as a bit of a character, and can only humour his self-deception to avoid violent outbursts of indignation.

I felt a warmth in my heart for the old man. His meticulous planning, collecting of household objects, consideration for what his son would say or how he would feel about certain particulars, showed a real love. Conrad creates this, I feel, in order to ensure the finale hits as hard as it possibly can.

Without spoiling it, the ending is utterly heartbreaking, and really underlines the extent of the sailor’s delusion. It speaks of perception of people we haven’t seen in a long time, interpretation of memories, the holding of grudges, and more typical family behaviour. Most of all, it speaks of routine, and how letting go, whether knowingly or not, is a difficult thing to do.

A crushing tale on waiting, and being unable to live until our dreams fulfil, this was an absolute little diamond from Conrad.

Thursday, 31 May 2018

Book #38

The Turtle Boy by Kealan Patrick Burke

School is out and summer has begun. For eleven year old Timmy Quinn and his best friend Pete Marshall, the dreary town of Delaware Ohio becomes a place of magic, hidden treasure and discovery. But on the day they encounter a strange young boy sitting on the bank of Myers Pond a pond playground rumor says may hide turtles the size of Buicks everything changes. For it soon becomes apparent that dark secrets abound in the little community, secrets which come cupped in the hands of the dead, and in a heartbeat, Timmy and Petes summer of wonder becomes a season of terror, betrayal and murder.

This was such a strange little story that I’m almost unsure how I feel about it. It has a lot of supernatural mixed in with a little bit of crime, and a lot of areas I feel quite oddly about.

Firstly, it was a very short tale. There was a lot of room left for plot-building, tension, character development, and setting. I needed more on the history of the town, more on the supernatural element and why it ended up where it did, and a bit of elaboration on the two families we met.

Our protagonist Timmy, although lacking somewhat in backstory, was a great kid. Burke has written him perfectly to allow us to support him and become engaged in what happens to him. It’s the character of Timmy alone which makes me want to continue with the series; I want him to be okay.

The pace was great, despite my need for further detail, and we came to the crunch pretty quickly. Burke’s narrative is compelling, making it impossible to stop reading. I felt completely watched and unsettled when reading the creepier sections of the story, and it’s been a while since an author has made me feel that way when writing of the paranormal. When the story picks up, it really becomes a race to inhale all of Burke’s words at once; to find out as much as possible.

Burke’s ending had a strong unresolved feeling, I assume in order to make way for the sequel. Although it’s not difficult to work out the over-arching twist, it just didn’t work. My main frustration was a hint to supernatural elements which absolutely should have been explored in more detail here to give us a better understanding of what we were dealing with.

I’m torn with this; I enjoyed it to an extent, but I’ve come away with an utterly flat feeling, as though I’ve missed out on something. I may delve into the next in series to see if I feel differently, but I’m not in any rush to do so.